autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

05-16-2003, untitled

Sitting in the darkness as it feels I have all my life
I whisper, quietly, fearfully, not expecting reply,
‘Are you there?’
My breath, frozen on lips that would be warm
My heart, still halfway into my throat
My whole being focused on the reply
I must have, I won’t get, I can’t live without
It echoes in my own head
Reassuring me that I asked
In case I forget in my panicked state
Ask again, look foolish or desparate or clingy
I find I chant it softly
I can’t ask again
Instead, my mantra
Of hope of reassurance, but oh god of hope
‘Are you there? Do you care? Will you Share?’
Muttering in the darkness Curling into my pillow
A casual arm tossed over the extra one
I smile into you as I turn loose the fears
And slide into my secret garden
My favorite place
To slowly stroke your cheek
As the curtain of sleep falls