autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Absence and such…

J is about to depart for a few days to attend his sister’s wedding in Miami. I am unable to attend as I cannot (as in “can’t afford to”) take the time off to join him. Two things occurred to me today and both rather bemused me; first, that J and I will have our 1 year anniversary of domiciling on January 27th and second, that I am surprised at how much I expect I will miss him (indeed, I sincerely hope the reality is less bothersome).

J and I have a close and comfortable live and living style; we tend toward the homebody side of things, usually books reading, writing, cuddling (yes, seriously), or sitting together and talking/laughing. That’s not to say we don’t go out, but we tend to go out occasionally rather than regularly and we both abhor the notion of “social obligation” (i.e., we must go out), so we just don’t do it.

All this being a longer way of saying, “Damn, this place is going to be QUIET with him away.” I am trying to think of things to occupy my time that aren’t going to so break my routine as to become a bother; I suspect I will watch more television or movies than usual (practically nil), pick up a few books to “eat” while he’s away, and (of course) spend more time than I likely should playing a tasty new game. But who knows, maybe I’ll actually use the time to get back on the writing wagon….. after all, I do have two of the damn things to get finished and this would be a great time to carve at the chunk of empty in which there really need to be some words.

But, at this moment, what I’m really sitting here thinking about is how nice this feels.

It is nice to have the opportunity to miss someone.

It is nice to have the sense that the missing will be temporary (this time, anyway).

It is nice to anticipate returns and reunions.

It is nice to find a way to look forward to absence rather than to dread it.

I can also say it is amazingly wonderful to have someone in my life who, by virtue of their being here, gives me the gift of all this experiencing.

While I know the old saw goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”, I think it misses something for not speaking to the reality that absence does not have to be a yearning affair.

Also, I do not think it possible for me to “grow fonder” in this instance. (Which is also a beautiful gift and a wonderful feeling.)