autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

April Snow

It is absurdly hilarious how unprepared I was for the reality that is aging as a woman in this country and this western culture. I was not unaware of it; but it was kept firmly in that cloaked corner of mind where all unavoidable realities are confined while we chase the things our culture, societies, and systems grant value in order to attempt to sustain ourselves long enough to face them as fully as we know is humanity’s ultimate fate.

I think I was counting on humanity progressing better and faster; quite stupid of me really, given history and the proof of our incessant slavery to the molecular-biochemical engine that is our earthly, organic machine.

Instead, we have fallen yet again to the boundaries of this literal chain, this tether that holds us to Earth as if by some greater mandate. (Even I grasp after ‘why’, as if somehow, flailing will permit an accidental access… lol!)

We cannot escape ourselves. Behaviors only change when selected over time, with consistency. Science and medicine make it so clear this is our ultimate circumstance – the machine supports the planet, not itself.

So change only truly happens when it is holistic and in accord with the greater system.

Which we have never been and, it seems, never will be.

The imprint of a great wheel in this April snow, it cannot but repeat and move as it does.

The wheels of my brain go ’round and ’round…..