autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Eve of Fools

For one day each year

We act as if our worst fear

Is but a fool’s jest

(the rest of the year, we permit that fool to play hide and seek in our mind and heart, as if their identity remains secret)

Other people care only about moments because that is all they see. Those, like myself, who can look into infinity and see more?

I strongly suspect they are as I am – alienated, angry, depressed, and ultimately impotent to be more than we are: outliers.

I fall into that gap between “people who change the world” and “people who live and die without ever being known outside the 500 mile radius of their birthplace”.

It is the only curve on which I “fit” into the space the common human would call “normal”.

Not so special at all, except in my unique experience, just like everyone else.

That one sentence is the reason I have any reason remaining.

Regardless how alienated and alone I feel, always, it remains that I am nestled deep in the aggregate meaninglessness that is the only objective reality – we only matter in that our aggregate lends to something greater than ourselves.

Many humans have railed at this; most vociferously, those of egalitarian lineage, conveniently buffered and lifted on all sides by the swelling tides of the larger ocean… the froth of the wave is but physics and the crest is the cusp of decoherence. How exceptional are you, really?

Evolution is the tendency for patterns to prefer repeating and for patterns to become more persistent with iteration; all states chase change and all states flee change. Decoherence is natural.

As for me, I’m merely proof that having the ability to see a thing, to understand a thing, and to communicate a thing is utterly and laughably arrogant for a human to assume exceptional competency. History is just the system log of repeating patterns over space.

Just as nature and all chemical, molecular, and organic systems are the extension and extrusion of repeating patterns over space.

Time is the illusion of the observer as a successfully extra-state perspective that cannot/does not consume nor cause change.

The scale at which these things may be deemed by “our” observations as causal ? This is, I think, the one legacy that evidences the greater mystery:

That we may conceive beyond understanding, that we may outline and identify purely from negative space, and that we can preserve experience as anchor points in a persistently collapsing singularity – this literal exhalation of our observable universe – which, after imponderable time, will turn.

If there is any name to give to that which breathes, clearly we cannot perceive it. Only barely can we conceive it. And all of this, science!

I said long ago that science is the child of philosophy, and that the only reality worth knowing is the one that cannot be contained nor conveyed in language.

The human insistence upon expression and perception as objective data collected by objective systems that operate in an objective reality?

Bullshit, of course.

But you know this. We all do.

What many may not is this – every human that ever lives has the capacity of experiencing The One Truth.

All it requires is a refusal to mistake history and the humans telling it with the reality of its experience. Or with the practice of the inner empathic consideration that turns history into a tool of evolution. There are no substitutes for these; they are the very breathe of life already within you, always, and in all ways.