autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Google: Thanks… for nothing.

A final footnote in the Google mess… Turns out the “takeout” process and all the supposedly awesome “data liberation” turns out to be a beautiful little blackmail scheme.

Of course, foolish thing that I am, I didn’t realize it until it was too late (not that it would have made a difference to my leaving, but it might have made a difference to my conclusion that, in fact, the entire “don’t be evil” line is just that… a line).

For those who are leaving and who also happen to use an Android phone, here’s a little tidbit you should know of and be prepared for as you depart… something Google forgets (?) to tell you:

  1. Your gmail address in use with the Android market holds your purchase history for all items purchased/downloaded from the Android Market.
  2. If you leave, those purchases are lost to you.

No, you cannot access the market without a Google account (unlike iTunes, which allows you to use whatever email address you may like to engage and purchase with them).

No, you have no way to regain those applications, despite the fact that you paid for them.

No, you have no recourse but to (say it with me folks…) submit to doing it Google’s way or the highway.

Data liberation? What data liberation? Where? Oh…. you’ll graciously allow me to have content I actually created, but not the things I bought and paid for; silly me, here I thought you actually MEANT it. (You’d think I would have learned by now, eh?)

Nice going, Google; in a scant month you’ve turned me from one of your biggest and most vociferously ardent fans into someone who would rather be app-less and out the money I spent in your Android Market than ever as much as think about doing business with you again:

  1. You’ve insisted that I give you my personally identifying data,
  2. You’ve refused to as much as consider that yes, in fact, I DO HAVE A CHOICE (and should!!),
  3. You’ve taken a stance not unlike a scorned lover toward those who do choose to forgo your arrogant “our way or the highway” policies (i.e., you destroy my valid license to the applications I purchased and do not offer the ability to retain those licenses, nor do you offer me compensation for their loss)

In fact, you’ve been about as considerate of me as a departing customer as a janitor mucking out a public restroom stall… happily flushing me away as if I were little more than a piece of shit; no thought toward retention, no thought toward doing the right thing by me, no thought toward helping me retain the full range of licenses/rights purchased from you.

So hey, Google, thanks… for making it clear what you think of people who aren’t quite ready to hand over their privacy or roll over and submit to any of your mercenary dreams for making a buck off of them.

Seriously, Google… thanks for nothing.