autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

I really may die… and I’m sad (pissed).

It’s with no little anger and a considerable amount of bitterness that I realize the #COVIDIOTS taking up beds and nurse staff have caused my urgent surgery to be pushed out, twice, if you count the tap-dancing around the surgeon’s vacation (which clearly, was much more important).

The surge is rising again and I live in the middle of stupidville, it seems, so naturally, I, as the fully-vaccinated, mask-wearing CIVIC MINDED American believing in science and my responsibility to protect myself, my family, and my community, I take the fucking vaccine. I take it to protect myself and others from a pandemic virus that’s still mutating and has now killed 1 in 500.

Just as I did for polio. Just as I did for tuberculosis. Just as I did for EVERY OTHER VACCINATION REQUIRED TO ATTEND SCHOOL as a child. And just as those before me did for SmallPox, Spanish Influenza, and numerous other instances.

The #COVIDIOTS are the ones stacking up like lumber in the hospitals.

The #COVIDIOTS are the ones killing themselves and their children by abject, unapologetic stupidity.

The #COVIDIOTS are the ones over-running hospitals and necessitating those health care facilities to delay and cancel surgery of those with life-threatening illness, of which I am now, officially, an unwilling and angry member.

Here’s my question:

Why are people who refuse medical guidance, deny science, and clearly care neither for civic nor community health getting triaged ahead of people like myself? People who did all the right things, followed all the rules, kept the distance, wore the masks, and settled into lockdown after lockdown while these fucking stupid, stupid people did not?

Their lives are valued higher? Or they just got there first?

Well, given FICO scoring of hospital accounts, I’d say the former. But it seems I’m rare in that I understand what that really means; besides, I’m too busy dying on THIS hill to undertake that one.

If it’s just that they got there first, I think we should reconsider.

The facts and circumstances are clear; the ONLY reason the #COVIDIOTS get there first is their own stupidity… and certainly, as much as people like myself have dutifully followed all these directives and rules, we should not be the ones to die for lack of treatment so that some #COVIDIOT can live to do it all over again.

I am not sorry. I’m pissed. I AM DYING and no one fucking cares. I have no ability whatever to rely upon the new dates given me, as some vaunted group of people who have never had to worry about something like this in their lives get to decide again that it’s first come, first served.

To me, they say, “Just go to the ER, they have to treat you then.”

But I am not stupid, see? The ER is packed out with COVID and the last thing I need is a fucking COVID sauna.

So I wait. And I hope. And I try not to get angrier or more bitter or to just lose hope completely.

Stories like the one I link to you below are starting to become common.

I may well be joining this list soon.

But before I do, I wanted to just get this off my chest. I have spent my life doing the right thing at my own cost and I guess I won’t be too upset if I go out that way, too.

But you #COVIDIOTs?