autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Impermanence – the benefits of accepting it

In today’s example of karmic effects and the wisdom of seriously cultivating the middle way in relation to attachments or aversions… my contract for work has been cut four months early, it remains to be seen whether or not my employer has other work available to me; regardless, the “once and future house” and all effort relating thereto is immediately abandoned (which is as well, since lenders tend not to loan money to people who are effectively out of work).

As odd as it likely will sound, I am thankful. Specifically, I am thankful that this happens now, before the letter of intent is signed and the actual loan origination process begins. It means the financing contingency in the contract saves my hide and my earnest money.

Further, I am thankful to and mindfully admiring of my agency; they could have let this go on through end of week (past the point of redemption from the above), but chose to “pull the trigger” now to keep me from making a commitment that they knew I could not hope to fulfill.

Lessons, lessons, lessons all about; the biggest one being that peace in relation to “what is” is, by far, the single and most important part of a comfortable and contenting life. (Also, that there truly is no such thing as “security”, so live life while you have it and count on nothing more than the current breath.)

I must admit, I am swallowing back a terrible wave of moroseness, sadness, and anger at the timing and “unfairness” of it all….. but I suppose this, too, is just part and parcel of the lesson, really. Still, it hurts. I was so excited and happy to think that, finally, I would be investing in a home rather than handing away rent. I suppose you could say the loss of that sense of pending accomplishment is the real stinger, even as it is already being balanced by the relief of not “succeeding” only to lose it immediately thereafter.

Still…. still…. it is a heavy thing in this moment and likely for some moments yet to come.