autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Lost Pages: The Unsent Anger Must Spill

Everyone thinks I am unreasonable and too sharp when I turn on someone.

Let this be the evidence that I hold far worse and beyond that, I will not speak. But to vouch this? Some small bit of speech more….

The actual conversation to date, at which point I simply canceled the appointments created by his orders, and requested my primary care provider redirect me as originally referred to a staff doctor in the clinic.

I let the entire bad faith semantics thing drift on down the river in reality. But in my head? You know it got dealt with….

SCENE: The mental writer’s room, where I let my emotions have their say…

Now, let us deal with this wet paper bag of semantic quackery, shall we?

There are three contexts for the word ‘illicit’:

  1. Illegal by law (true synonym)
  2. “Illegal” by custom (implication of cultural and/or societal shaming)
  3. “Illegal” by morality (implication of theological and/or religious shaming)

We have established and agreed that marijuana is NOT an ‘illicit drug’ under context #1 by referring to state law.

Thus my request for the removal of this patently inaccurate phrase.

You seem to be postulating that context #2 or #3 have any legitimacy, standing, or relevance in my official medical record.

Is this your intention? If so, kindly outline the position being taken that permits you to enter such inappropriate context to my official medical record.

If this is not your intention, I will accept your explicit apology alongside an immediate and unequivocal correction to my official medical record.

As a contracting/consulting medical professional, it is my understanding that you are held to a higher standard of professional behavior as you move between systems and thus, have greater and more pervasive long-term impact upon communities and their health.

Which, for the record, is precisely WHY I’m not being polite enough to hand you a path that supports your impugnment of me long enough for you to gracefully take the hint and fix your mess.

How many other people have you dismissed like this? No one will ever know.

How quickly will you dismiss someone like this in future? Well, reckon that’s up to you, now isn’t it?

I know who you won’t be dismissing anymore, as you’ve been dismissed by her.

Your personal opinion on the morality or cultural norm violations observed in my pain management choices??

Your personal opinion cloaked under your professional context being set into my medical record??

These, sir, are what is classified as “IRRELEVANT”. I am being KIND not to ascribe what very much looks like BAD FAITH.

I engage in self-managed pain countering via CDBA, CDBG, and THC, more commonly known as “marijuana”.

I do so because it is an easier, faster, less bureaucratic, and frankly, less expensive way to treat what now looks like MCAS alongside Diabetes, Fibromyalgia, literally constant neck and spinal pain from dual cervical stenosis, multiple cervical and lumbar degenerative issues. Oh, and the nausea caused by my current, expanding pharmaceutical cocktail.

This is, of course, alongside the inevitable outcomes of difficult-to-manage comorbidities, and the ever-present anxiety, depression, and the occasional, unexpected, stressful, oft literally inflammatory stress of having to fight to secure a basic commitment to neutral, non-judgmental accuracy in my personal medical record with a consulting medical service provider who seems to be asserting that his contextually inappropriate opinion should become my medical fact.

And now, of course, Afib, and potentially sleep apnea, cardiovascular disease, and/or chronic obstructive pulminary disease.

Look, fella – pro re nata you may be, but what you place in my medical record stays with me all my life.

I should not have to fight to get you to accept this.

I should not have to write to get you to accept this.

I should not have to cite to get you to accept this.

Please don’t make me have to pick up a lawyer over this. Because if I have to, I will not stop until you are unable to practice medicine again.

This is not a battle that you will win.

Be smart and pull your fat out of my fire before I just let nature take it’s course.

There is no legitimate reason for you to label my open declaration of marijuana use for pain management as ‘illict drug use’.

The only reason it’s not via an RX is because I don’t want yet another RX to manage and frankly, it’s cheaper to get all three together (CBDA, CBDG, THC).