autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Meh, mortality

I realize that I won’t live forever
Funny how I never really think of it
Not until, suddenly, it hurts when I “do that”
Or “it” takes longer than it used to
Like an unwatched kettle, I’m boiling

The eight year old within is pouting;
All lower lip and arms akimbo:
Where are my flying cars?
My life of leisure?
My happy robots?
It’s not fair!!!

I don’t think I want to live forever
I just want to live until I want to die
Some far away someday; so far that
I cannot yet imagine when it will be

Part of me mourns that no, in fact,
I shall not change the world at all;
Part of me rebukes it and points
To children and to lives saved
To loves old and new, to friends
To strangers who graced my sofa
To things that shame such moroseness

I do not think I am old(er)
But it sneaks up on me, I find;
All tricky and quiet and smooth
Slipping aches and wrinkles over me
As my pancreas sputters and gasps

Have you ever regretted that
There’s not enough time
To do, to be, and to see it all?
I wanted to meet everyone, including you;
I wanted to walk every path
I am sad for unknown forest trails
I am sad for unknown you

Silly sorrowful thoughts, these
Rare, but thick when they arrive;
Like melancholy molasses, pouring,
Bittersweet, they slide

A sigh, a chuckle, a shrug;
Life’s defiance, still strong…
Maybe a miracle of medicine
Maybe a flash of fantasy
Some strange science, yet to come
Will turn this to jest

Right now, I feel heavy with mortality
Laden like a bough in winter;
Bending under thoughts
But only until they pass
This too shall pass
Or rather, I should say,
So too, shall I