autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Resolution by dream

I had the oddest dream last night. I cannot say it was unusual; it seems whenever I reach a particular point in relation to someone – a place where I feel I cannot manage to reconcile or resolve something – trusty ol’ croc brain in conjunction with the subconscious rally to my rescue and bring relief. I’d like to credit it to an active striving for unity (i.e., mind, body, and emotion) but I miss the mark simply because it is not a conscious chosen method (perhaps this doesn’t matter? obviously, I am ambivilent on the issue).

At any rate, resolution of the internal conflict has happened with the advent of a dream in which the necessary things are said, heard, and acknowledged. I thought to outline it here as a creative writing exercise, but I find it rather unnecessary. (This is a rare happenstance!) Ultimately, in the place where all things are one, the apology for deceit, the sharing of sorrow for it, the acceptance of the passing of yet another experience, and the sense of pensiveness that such things always brings were made obvious, recognized, grieved, and allowed to fade like so much mist in the presence of sunrise.

I find the things I grieve the deepest are those that were so potentially beautiful. I suppose what I’m really grieving is the sense that, so often, beauty is unrealized for such mundane craving and grasping; mine as well as others, of course. We’re all humans; we’re all prone to human behavior.

I count it a gift that I managed to savor the experience while I had it, rather than condemn it along with the behavior that saw it undone. Slow progress, but progress nonetheless.

Om Vajra Sattva Hung (Om Benza Sattva Hung); all things to benefit and all negativity turned, eventually, to emptiness. Life goes on.