autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.


the last time i was resolute, it was in relation to being a good friend. to being a good friend to someone who lied to me, pushed, pulled, and prodded at me to cross my boundaries, blamed me when i did so, then used that blame as the reason to end the friendship.

proved pretty conclusively that it wasn’t much of a friendship, actually.

good lessons, though. very good reinforcement of the reasons why i should maintain those boundaries. lessons that strengthened my resolve; cemented and set it.

handy analogy. cement is a strong and stable thing, but if you pour it over something that isn’t, eventually, even cement cannot hold things together. i was content to let it be all fast and loose for a time, but in the end, cement is cement and i reckon if you pour it and think it’s not going to eventually set, you’re more than a little naive.

there are few things i let myself be resolute about in life. most times, i find it better to be flexible, mutable, malleable even. humans just seem to be happier when they aren’t busy tying themselves into knots over “having to be resolved” about things.

another reason i am not often resolute is that life is change and humans change. everything changes. being resolute about everything just means you’re going to hurt a lot because expecting things not to change and setting that in the cement of “being resolute” is kind of like pouring a sidewalk over quicksand and expecting it not to sink.

this said, and likely paradoxically, i do not find resolve a bad thing. resolve is a form of faithfulness, devotion, or commitment, be it to something or against something.

i resolved to be a good friend. i resolved that i wasn’t going to be part of secretive patterns. i resolved to be patient and wait for someone i trusted implicitly to make good on their promises, and, when it turned out they had no intention whatever of doing so, i kept to my resolve and said goodbye.

resolve led to the act of resolving, releasing. in the end, my resolve was only half the equation and no equation can exist without something with which or against which to resolve.


people as math. me plus you plus honesty equals friendship found. me plus you minus honesty equals friendship lost.

resolution… complete.