autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.


Once upon a time, I was fully self-sufficient. 

I had to be, there was no one in the world who cared about me or what happened to and with me EXCEPT me, and I bloody well knew it. 

I didn’t realize until my mid-20’s that it could be any different. 

I didn’t realize until now that maybe it shouldn’t be.

I’m re-learning; to be completely candid, I’m remembering it’s not wrong to maintain a healthy separation from those who cannot treat you honorably, inclusively, respectfully, and with care.

I had forgotten how healing it is to simply tell someone that they’re not welcome around you until they can learn how to treat you well. 

For that matter, I had forgotten how legitimate it is to be the owner of your own boundaries and, specifically, to stop allowing others to encroach or demand you cross them on their behalf.

I’m remembering.

I remember that I’ve worked hard to be the person I am. Very hard. I’m a good person; possessed of ethics, principles, and values that guide me in ways that make me most content, fulfilled, and happy; more importantly, because I am these things, I am able to be caring, giving, kind, and helpful.

I have no attraction to or interest in people who insist upon some list of conditions and demands that “must be met” in order for me to receive basic acknowledgement, care, honor, inclusion, and respect as a human being.

We all know what kindness is, we all know what care feels like, and we all know how it feels when it’s lacking or missing. So perhaps the biggest element of self-sufficiency is just being disciplined about keeping in touch with these things so one continues to progress in life. 

That’s where my head is at the moment; must admit, parses well and feels appropriate.