May we find a future in which my granddaughters do not have to have this experience across decades of their personal and professional endeavors. I love you, A & E, and you too, L, and J, and all of my struggling neurokin. You thank me for standing up to speakYou tell me how much to […]
As I clearly am not going to be writing every day and as I also am not willing to give up on this place (again) and mothball it (again) only to stand it up next year under a new banner (again). This November edition is my marker in the field; of life, of myself, of […]
Most people jump to the conclusion I had/have PTSD. In fact, I have cPTSD. For reference, all but seven years of my life are trauma, and I’m pretty sure the professionals would say I’m wrong about those seven years, too. This is what ‘toxic stress’ and ‘chronic pain’ and ‘persistent anxiety’ and ‘severe depression’ means… that’s what it IS. That’s also before you add on the every […]
I am in pain every day, all day long. On a scale begininng at one (1) and continuing to ten (10), and inclusive of all current treatments, prescriptions, and future treatment plans as currently scheduled, my pain, every day is: never lower than a three (3) usually between four (4) and seven (7) depending on […]
Today, my last fuck was given. I gave two hours of my life, all of my trust, and (almost) none of my masks to a neuropsychologist in hopes of finally getting a bias-free, judgment-free assessment and diagnosis. The result? Quoth the doctor: “The overall validity of her answers and responses are questionable. For example, she […]
Today, I began a new journey to speak my story in one-hour video segments. While I will not edit/remove content, I will hand-edit these (i.e., post-production) for continuity as well as to demonstrate how even I can’t always remember it the same way each time I think of it. The point? Manifold, really; but instead […]
It is absurdly hilarious how unprepared I was for the reality that is aging as a woman in this country and this western culture. I was not unaware of it; but it was kept firmly in that cloaked corner of mind where all unavoidable realities are confined while we chase the things our culture, societies, […]
I am convinced there is no such thing as an original, human thought; nor will there be until we literally evolve out of our own, biochemical, biosphere-embedded flesh. To be clear, I think that evolutionary process cannot be possible and that we remain “human”. It isn’t that I begrudge transcendence, I just recognize and admit […]
I think we all play with the “danger” and “risk” of being ourself, a somewhat unruly bustle of shared space on an increasingly small planet. I keep changing my mind about how much I want to “put out here”. I flag and unflag decades like linens; shaking off the dust only to pitch them back […]
Shortly after my recent doctor’s appointment, I received a survey request about it. I was in the middle of requesting a correction to something inaccurately placed in my medical record as part of the doctor’s notes. As such, I wanted to give them the full time period they requested for processing and response – 48 […]