autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

The weight of perspective is heavy

It is a fact that one of the weightiest thing in life is perspective; not only do we stagger ‘neath the weight of our own, with all its imperfections (assumed to be truths), we must constantly decide if taking on the weight of others (or granting them a shoulder upon which to share the burden) is helpful, beneficial, and thus, worthwhile.

I suppose it is easy enough to shoulder happily those perspectives that are agreeable and nourishing to preferred elements of our own. It is, however, still weight, albeit a seemingly pleasant one.

This would seem to infer that I reject the ones that are unpleasant or out of alignment with my own. Hardly. I think I must be a bit of a masochist, the way in which I reach out to accept them as equal and worthy of consideration, reflection, and understanding (even if not agreement).

I find today, thanks to the pointer of someone acting as the “spiritual friend” (see/search for “secret friend” here for insight on this concept) a perspective that is weighty, indeed. Almost a year old, it was nowhere in my “reality” until this moment. And now? It rests on my chest and pushes at my breath and I work to remind myself of all the things I just said in the above as my eyes water and that feeling of being misunderstood wells and throbs.

The details, of course, only matter to those involved and, as always, are as uniquely fashioned as the individual perspectives are wont to make them… Shaped to form ourselves as superior, “the other” as inferior, and as much effort as may be given put to lightening the load we bear “at the expense” of “the other”.

Such sad, silly games we too often play. I do not so choose, this time.

What fault there is must be mine; and what fault may rest elsewhere I cannot know, and does not matter.

What weight sits here, trying to add itself to me, I reject… even as I wholly embrace the perspective itself as valid in the minds of those who hold it. Paradox? No, not really; my intentions in the situation were good, regardless how poorly or unskillfully rendered, and they are not touched by the perspective of others. And, while I would do so, I cannot change the past. It is not possible to change a preference of perspective in others, so no energy will be given there, either.

In fact, only a brief statement that, regardless the anger found, its corresponding outcomes and actions ( all of which birth weight of their own via karma ), there is nothing here that desires to equal or meet it. It is unfortunate enough that even that this could come to pass; I will not add to it but to say that this is the “reality” I know.

Nothing more.