autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Thursday thoughts

Interesting week for insights, it seems. Over the last few months, I have seriously kicked the ol’ social life into high gear and here, now, I feel almost exhausted for it. Between work, college, and back to back weekends (albeit highly enjoyable ones that I would not wish away for the world!!), I am looking to this weekend and feeling almost glad that the only thing I’ve got planned is a Saturday concert with a friend.

The insight, of course, is the amusement of realizing that much of my grousing over feeling as if I have not been getting out enough is fair overwhelmed and feeling more than a little foolish for the sense of “careful what you wish for” of this moment. Heh. I think that this is an area of life in which I am never quite content, and it seems rather consistent that, if I actually stop to think about it, I am never as solitary as I feel I am; this tends to beg the question (me of myself), “What the hell is off with your perspective that you so often feel solitary?”

So, I’m pondering it. No answers yet, but I’m sure when I reach them, I’ll be putting them here.

In other news, there’s more than a little movement occuring in an unexpected area. I can’t really say much more at the moment but that I am mildly surprised and cautiously optimistic. I suppose next month will be the proof of whatever pudding there is in relation to it all; I find I am sincerely looking forward to having more than a question mark at the end of this particular sentence.

All in all, life is smooth sailing and beautiful; I still have the occasional pangs for “those who have drifted away”, but they’re not as wistful/painful/bothersome as once they were and I find that quite a nice relief. Time blunts all sharp edges, I suppose; I am thankful.

The only “news” is rather mundane for anyone but me; I finally picked up a singing bowl. It is brilliant, bemusing, and a wonderful addition to the practice. The bowl is tuned to the sound of creation (Om) and the resonance is a thing that cannot be placed into words. I found one very similar to this one in the International District some months ago and was left breathless for the price tag associated with it.

This one, found while at Bumbershoot last weekend, is an amazing hand-etched bowl with double dorje upon the base, overlaid with the sun-seed-cycle symbols of several paths; the levels going up the sides of it contain dharma symbols ranging from lotus petals to the circular inscription of the compassion mantra (Om Mani Padme Hung), topped by a row of leaves. The inside (!!) holds another mantra in a more block style script (Pali, I suspect, but I have not validated this) and the inner base holds five buddhas in meditation around a circle that might be a symbol, but if it is, I have not yet discerned which (I soon shall, thanks to the gift of a symbology book recently!).

I have thoroughly enjoyed it thusfar and everyone who hears it is both astonished and speaks of how relaxing it sounds, which makes me smile.

Not much more really; it’s almost 11pm and I should be in bed.

These casual times
Paradoxic business
Remind it’s all good