autotelic, autistic, assonance-hole©.

Up the date – November edition

As I clearly am not going to be writing every day and as I also am not willing to give up on this place (again) and mothball it (again) only to stand it up next year under a new banner (again).

This November edition is my marker in the field; of life, of myself, of the many degrees of actualization and aspiration and how well (or not) I manage to meet them.

The New:

I am once more gainfully employed.

Health markers are finally established. (Only a half century in the making!)

Navigational map for both genetic and neurotype assessments are finalized and wait only funding (soon™),

I am feeling ‘like myself’ again for the first time since, oh, 2017. Recovery phase of this ridiculous fire bird cycle is no more or less than it has ever been (median 5-7 years) but my own willingness to attempt to lift Everest alone has dwindled in ways my younger selves would be aghast to discover.

So much for idealism; I wind up straddling a much less comfortable edge between pessimism and realism – notoriously cruel and unforgiving territory, from all external and most internal accounts. But it seems workable when I chain it to the mindful practice and redirect what would otherwise be cynicism and impatience into (what I hope will be) mindful kind, and compassionate service/steward mentality and intentions.

So I tell myself. The rattle of neuroscience and bioinformatics and Susskind’s insights on perturbation seem very much of that diamondback variety – both a tantric as well as symbolic inference – I spend my spare time lately conveniently ‘disassociated’ in the PFC via gaming while the untamed wilds of this amazing autistic machine do its unfathomable thing in my mid- and hind brain.

I am quite fortunate to have inherited this machine; not only has it performed to optimized limits under decidedly unoptimized experience and opportunities, but this machine loyally sustained “me” with frightening tenacity that even the ‘me’ sitting here in the PFC still boggles considering. The limits, however, are exponentially increased and early – no one ever wants to hear ‘degenerative disc disease’ and I am certainly among the no ones. Heh.

Now, I have managed to attain a role wherein I can actively transmit my experience and whatever insights it may lend to new minds engaged on their own discovery and explorations; personally, professionally, and of course, shamelessly publicly (albeit via flimsy, pseudonymous masque).

Life is just as good
The just as good as the bad
Fall paths made by my feet

#haiku4u #monadsRhard